the reality of God

"For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities -- his eternal power and divine nature -- have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:20 (NIV)

how can you be sure that God does or does not exist?

what causes belief or unbelief?

my knees are black because i've survived too much heartache to have made it on my own

tough decisions

everyone, at some point in their lives, is faced with some sort of decision making. shakespeare put it best but he received no consolation during the time of his distress. decisions, by their nature, involve choosing one thing over another. the idea of a trade-off. one must suffer, the other prevail. one must live, the other must die. it is these decisions, rather the result of those decisions, that rattle the very core of our frame of mind, soul and well-being.

when is enough really enough? when will you see that your hell is freezing over? will you ever experience pigs flying? when will you actually listen for the fat lady's tune? mr. opportunity's knocking. when will you let him in? why we sometimes choose to put ourselves through the ringer of dejection and empathy, i'll never know. why we sometimes choose to tolerate nonsense is beyond me. does conscience make us cowards? is it better to suffer in our minds or in our actions?

it is important that people know what you stand for. it is equally as important that people know what you won't stand for.

my knees are black because i am learning how to filter foolishness.

are you there?

hi. it’s me again. do you remember the last time?
last time I loved you.
last time I cared for you.
last time I was so anxious to meet you.
only to be disappointed.
you weren’t there
what happened? why are you doing this to me?
I’m so confused. you confuse me. you make me cry.
cry because I so want to care for you
and love you
and meet you
are you there?
inside there is a pulling and
a longing to embrace you
the future seems painful to be close to you
but the joy of the hopeful present brings relief
because I want to love you
and meet you and
care for you
I want you to be there
am I destined to be disappointed again?
another lost opportunity to love you again?
I cry thinking about losing you again
the torture of thoughts of memories yet to be remembered
moments yet to be treasured
the pain of losing something I never had,
the insurmountable distress of being attached to nothing,
again
again it hurts so bad
scared of this feeling
terrified of knowing
desperately wondering
are you there?

my knees are black because i have the ability to survive knowing as well as not knowing

breathtaking selfishness

I just wanted to let you know that you take my breath away
simply unbelievable
your mentality beyond description
effortlessly hideous
your stench is undeniable
you are so powerful
the sound of your voice permeates a fresh wind of arrogance
your unassuming nature is blinded by the ugliness of your ways
I disgust you. you repulse me
you are absolutely breathtaking

your uncanny ability to thoroughly contemplate all things uniquely you
your uncanny ability to reject the philosophies that make you uniquely you
so systematic are your thoughts
so methodical are your procedures
a true disciplinarian. everything under your control
dislodge and condemn at your command
hate and despise at your command

I lose my breath at the thought of you
at the thought of myself

my knees are black because i realize that sometimes i don't even recognize myself

New beginnings.....

needed a way to keep my sanity
needed a place to channel my thoughts
needed an avenue to share my joy
needed an audience to perceive my journey

so here i am. be back soon. pardon my dust. lol